Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance and the wife gets no jewelry.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Financial Planner - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
An Analyst -Is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy.
You know you've gone to the wrong stockbroker when you ask him to buy 1,000 shares in Infosys and he asks you how to spell it.
A technical analyst is a person who thinks that nine women can produce a child in one month.
A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!
Why won't sharks attack stock brokers? -Professional courtesy!
Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don't make.
Be careful of those calendars banks give you to help you keep track of your payments. I saw one with 16 months on it.
The First Law of Market Analysis: For every analysis, there exists an equal and opposite analysis.
The Second Law of Market Analysis: They're both wrong!
