Relax! Some humor

Markets are nowadays rangebound and not so interestingly poised.So some humor for relaxation.

“Welcome aboard the Indian Bearlines flight of fancy. Please fasten your seat belts. This is your captain Dalal speaking. The flight is now ready to take off from the NSE terminal. The distance of 120 points from Princeland to Crashdom will be covered in approximately five and half hours.
We will travel at a speed of 100 transactions per second and reach at 3.30 P.M. IST and we shall be over flying a number of peaks and troughs, cliffs and ravines.”
“The cabin crew may please shut all the doors and check the cabin pressure. The in-flight stewards will now demonstrate the safety procedures. Thank you.”

“In accordance with the International Bearcraft Regulations we now demonstrate some important safety procedures. The traders are requested to fasten their seat belts and hold their position until the sign is removed. There are two emergency doors on the front and two on the rear. The traders may run out of these doors in case of a sudden crash.”

“In case of a sudden drop in share prices, the oxygen mask will fall from the top. Pull the mask towards the face and place it over the nose and take a deep breath. The pouch in front of you contains a paper bag which can be used in case you find the whole thing nauseating and want to vomit. There is also a 2-page booklet covering more safety instructions on how to handle sudden margin requirements etc. Please read them carefully.”

“Eye masks are provided in the front pouch. Cover your eyes with them and relax when it becomes too disgusting to look at the prices.”

“A light tea and biscuits will be served during the flight. The passengers also will be provided with tips, gossips and other hot stuffs which may be taken with a pinch of salt.”

“The NSE flight has taken off successfully without any technical snag. The seat belt sign has been put off but the passengers may continue to keep it fastened in their own interest. We are presently cruising at an altitude of 4,800 ft above the mean index level. On the right side you can see the evening star formation. Beyond that the dark clouds of FIIs menacingly stare at you indicating the possibility of thunderbolt followed by shower of stocks.”

“If you look down you can see the ruins of State Bank, Reliance Energy and Tata Motors etc. The legend has it that State Bank was once a prosperous kingdom which rose to the great height of 2,400 ft. Hordes of traders from all over the world came to participate in the bull dance.”

“The small peak visible on the left of State Bank is called Mount Reliance. There are lots of clouds over it at the moment. It is considered one of the most dangerous volcanic mountains because no one knows when it will erupt and trap the people.”

“If you turn left you can see a vast stretches of barren lands. Once upon a time a lot of cash crops used to grow here. But since past nine months the place has turned into a desert region.”

“The time is 3 O’clock now. We shall start our descent . Due to numerous air pockets there could be severe turbulence in this lap of journey. Please be seated until the plane grounds to a halt. Those who wish to take a connecting flight to the Citibank Loan department may contact our ground staff. Trust the journey has been comfortable. Thank you for traveling with Indian Bearlines.”

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2 Comments on “Relax! Some humor”

  1. Hi Rajesh

    What a remarkable piece, It reminds me of my first feature which I wrote on LOT polish airlines.

    I am sure even a commercial pilot can share such a cruising experience.

    To add a bit of more spice it reminds me of an advertisement from Virgin Airlines.

    “OUR CABIN CREW ARE MORE EXPERIENCED THAN A LOT OTHERS”

    Keep writing. Cheers

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